That quiet pondering that could never be explained to anyone else,
But in those few moments of clarity, something makes perfect sense.
Can't quite describe what it is, not even to myself.
But I know, I just know. It's there. I promise myself, it's there.
All attempts to explain would only result in confused faces.
Misinterpretations and misunderstandings don't belong here.
Things come into focus. Such clarity, such focus.
It's such a quiet place. So peaceful. So quiet.
Crisp blue sky, warm, light breeze.
Nothing on the horizon except rolling hills and a sea of grass.
A valley that nobody else can see.
So tragically lost. If only I could help them see.
Beyond explanation.
A state of harmless inward focus.
If only I could recreate this place, with life so wonderfully perfect.
Lying silently in the long soft grass. Breathing slow and deep.
A certain quiet music is playing. Slow, thoughtful music.
No words, just the long sighs of a violin.
Quiet piano, just barely audible over the nearby waterfall.
Notes drifting down from the sky.
The music of heaven. Of perfect clarity.
I don't know why, but I just know.
The sun , the music is the sun. So warm, so light.
This joyous place.
The peace is so beautiful, it brings a tear to my eye.
If only this could be shared.
Why oh why?
A beautiful girl, with crystal blue eyes, a bashful smile.
Long, flowing white dress, dancing in the wind.
How did she get here?
She hears it too, that beautiful music. Her smile tells me so.
Basking in the warmth of the beautiful symphony
Is she the angel who created this place?
Lying down, face to face. That knowing smile.
A gentle touch, a light giggle.
She knows. She knows.
I don't have to tell her, because she already knows.
Finally! Finally, someone knows!
She needs no words, because she already knows.
Every note, every line, she's known it all since the beginning of time.
So pure, so right. How can she see all this?
She hears my thought, puts a finger to my lips.
She hears my song. She has found my paradise.
It just feels so good to sit and let the symphony compose itself.
Transcending conventional thought, and letting the subconscious poke its head out. Hello, close friend.
It's almost a sad place, because it can't be truly shared. Not in a way to preserve its perfection, anyway. My mastery of the english language has failed to describe this place. This valley, this waterfall. This world.
I'm hoping at least a few people can relate to this, because I was trying to describe the quiet place we all have somewhere inside us. Obviously, I have some other things in there that I don't care to explain, some personal things, so I'll leave those alone. My version may be too personally tailored for me, so it may not be
anything like yours. But, hopefully it caught your attention for a moment.
For a while, I wasn't sure if I even wanted to publish this, seeing as it is a bit strange, difficult to understand, and probably over-sensitive. I'm sure plenty of people had the word "gay" run through their heads more than a few times while reading this. I can't blame them. But, I thoroughly enjoy writing, so when a thought like this hits me, I sit down and try to put it into words. My previous blogs have been made the same way. When I come up with something, I write it out, save it, and add it to my collection of pieces I have stored up.
So when I came back to this one, to consider it for my blog, I thought it may be too strange to add; it may be a bit tougher to admit that I sat down and wrote this one. Worse yet, I thought, "Well what if I say I was describing my trip on shrooms? Then it would be WAY more accepted. People would laugh, wouldn't call me a pussy, and probably like it much more" While that is most likely true, I'm embarassed to have even thought it, because that wouldn't be honest, and honesty was one of the main points of this piece when I wrote it. I call it a piece, because I don't really know what to call it. I don't think it's a poem, but I guess it's kinda close.
Anyway, when I thought about it, I realized that this is my blog, my opportunity to let people see a bit more into my mind, and they don't have to read it if they don't want to. Hell, I don't know if I'd read some douchebag's long ass blog with a gay ass poem, or whatever the hell it is, with a description of his writing process at the bottom. So if you're still reading this, I do applaud you.
This is purely for people who know me and who enjoy my strangeness (how few people that really is, time will tell). To reach the understanding that not everything I write has to be tapered to people's likes and interests was a big thing for me. In fact, nothing I do in life will ever fully conform to that box of acceptance, so why even mess with it in the first place? It's a nice revelation, very liberating.
So really, this whole explanation is my impetus for putting this piece up on the blog, because I think this is an important idea. Forget what people want from you. Do what you want. I doubt I'll lose any friends from this; I won't lose my dignity as a human being by writing something like this. And if people think slightly differently of me after this, all the better. That's the point.
